KENMORE – Witnesses at 100 Bay State Road confirmed earlier today that affluent Boston University student Lauren Macintosh (COM ‘14) can’t even.
”Ugh,” said Macintosh, who still just couldn’t, while standing in line for a sandwich. “Are you kidding? I literally cannot.”
“What can she not even?” asked Rob Passmore, a flustered Bay State employee. “That’s barely half a sentence!”
Boston University officials are concerned about the source of Macintosh’s dissatisfaction, which echoes the sentiments of many other girls on campus who just can’t.
”But, like, actually? Said Macintosh’s friend, Aidy Mitchell (COM ‘15). “Are you kidding?”
“Our usual solution when there’s dissatisfaction with students is to open up channels of communication with them,” said Dean Elmore. “But clearly that approach isn’t going to work here.”
”If students are so angry that they can’t even form a complete sentence, I need to fix what caused that problem,” Elmore added, while editing a PowerPoint presentation titled “What Can Students Not Even?”
While most students find that they can, Macintosh represents a growing statistic of wealthier girls at Boston University who literally just can’t.
”But like, what even?” said Macintosh, commenting again on the situation. “Ugh.”
At press time, Macintosh still cannot.
A student blows up at a teacher, drops the F-bomb. The usual approach at Lincoln – and, safe to say, at most high schools in this country – is automatic suspension. Instead, Sporleder sits the kid down and says quietly: “Wow. Are you OK? This doesn’t sound like you. What’s going on?”
He gets even more specific: “You really looked stressed. On a scale of 1-10, where are you with your anger?” The kid was ready. Ready, man! For an anger blast to his face….”How could you do that?” “What’s wrong with you?”…and for the big boot out of school. But he was NOT ready for kindness.
The armor-plated defenses melt like ice under a blowtorch and the words pour out: “My dad’s an alcoholic. He’s promised me things my whole life and never keeps those promises.” The waterfall of words that go deep into his home life, which is no piece of breeze, end with this sentence: “I shouldn’t have blown up at the teacher.” Whoa.
what a radical idea yo
Bam. Kids “misbehave” for actual, real, valid reasons. And have feelings.
For fuck’s sake, it takes the people in charge so long to figure shit like this out! Good for Lincoln High!
- i just did a 1300 word essay.
- in two hours.
- the end.
how doth one essay?
How I feel about school the following week on:
Saturday: BRING IT BITCH
Parents on SaturdayandSunday: Shoo, go do your homework..
Me on the bus on Monday Morning:
For my IB friends!
just doing everyday somethings and it hits you, nay?
Badass motherfucker of the century.
Oh my God, this girl is my fuuuuuuuucking hero.
what the fuck is this shit? How is this even funny? I just want to go over there and bitch slap all of them. and where the fuck are the teachers?
you know what i would do if i was there? i would beat the shit out of those girls who were torturing that girl, and step on their fucking faces and spit on it too.
yeah, i know. i’m no better, but honestly… they deserve it. i’m so fucking pissed off right now, holy fucking shit.
What the fuck is wrong with people? this is so fucking mean. i know im cussing right now and im sorry. i can’t help my self this is ugh. i want to slap and kick all these girls who’s torturing the other girl. THIS IS NOT RIGHT.
my blood is fucking BOILING right now. omg. i would fucking KILL those little kids. i’m not even joking, omg.
what is wrong with the world
WHY THE FUCK WOULD ANYONE EVER DO THAT OR EVEN THINK ABOUT DOING THAT. FUCKING BULLIES. FUCKING IDOITS. FUCKING PEOPLE.
what the fuck is this piece of mother fucking shit.
FUCK YOU !! GO BURN YOUR SELF OR I CAN DRIVE YOU TO HELL !!!!!
OMG IM CRYING :’((( why are people soo mean. i just want to slap them and beat them up :(((((
OMFG IMA KILL THOSE BITCHES.
omg im crying :( i cant watch it . this is disgusting me . people like that , how can you be so fucking mean ?
you dont understand how much i want to go and kill them little bastards who did that to her. i hope they rot in hell.
O.O OMG! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM?!?! POOR GIRL :/ AND NOBODY EVEN TRIES TO HELP HER :|
there is nothing more i want to do than find this girl, give her a hug and be her best friend.
And yet they wonder why I hate a lot of people.
We really are rotten creatures, more often than not. This is actually one of those ‘I can’t even’ moments. I’ve never gritted my teeth so hard. I fucking hate those kids and for all I know, they could be worm food right now.
IMAGINE WHAT THE TEACHER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT SEEING THIS GIRL WITH CUT HAIR AND SWOLLEN EYES. THIS IS HEARTBREAKING.
Nanarawrs here. Omg this video has made its way to Tumblr! D: No more regional impact. International response now, lol. I’m from Singapore and this is from a Malaysian school. Heard they (the 4 girls who bullied the victim) got 2 weeks suspension from school only?!?!?! What shit punishment is this, man. In my country, if you get caught playing truancy, you get expelled right away. Hope these girls rot in hell. I couldn’t bear watching the video at all, but there are sounds. Cries.
OMFG THIS ANGERS ME!!! I WANNA SPANK THEM! I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING
I’m going to murder someone soon, oh god.
Honestly… this pisses me off. If I saw this happening I would have beaten the shit out of at least a majority of the people picking on this poor girl. Seriously. I’m raging now.
I am fucking disgusted in these people right now. I don’t think i’ve ever been more disgusted in members of my own race.
i hate people
i hate people
At least I can be secure in my belief that kids are the cruelest fucking things ever invented.